Eating in the Dark

This is my first post. A quick attempt to explain where I am coming from and why I am writing here.

Food has always been something I think about carefully and choose diligently. This most likely started before I can remember when my mom never let me eat fast food as my friends all dug their teeth into happy meals and the like. More recently, I can recall a desire to avoid processed foods -- chemicals I didn't recognize, high fructose corn syrup (that always struck me as suspicious), and so forth. I began thinking about meat and animal products really seriously in my mid-20s and by my late 20s I decided to become fully vegan. I was a strict vegan for a while and even attempted to pursue raw foodism. But strict veganism was exacting a cost too great at the time -- among the problems were that no one wanted to eat out with me, I found myself massively struggling to eat a decently healthy meal while traveling, and I was starting to not enjoy food since great restaurants were surefire disappointments when all I ended up with was some boring bowl of steamed veggies and rice. I decided to incorporate fish when eating out. If there was a vegan option I usually took it but more often then not at fancier restaurants I found my fork digging into fish (hopefully wild, but I don't pretend it always was). Then talking to other vegans and vegetarians, and continuing to read up on the subject, I decided to do some further experimenting. My energy levels were low and everytime someone asked: "So do you feel amazing eating vegan?" I'd hesitate, wanting to say yes but only able to answer: "Not really." So I came to the conclusion that I might try eating some meat again. Not any meat and not like before. But once in a while, being extremely picky about how I do it, I'd try it out, listen to my body, and go from there.

This started last night -- my teeth chewed beef for the first time in years.

I thought that at the very least I should pay close attention to myself and take notes. More substantially, I should probably make the time to keep a journal of sorts. And then it dawned on me -- I have spent so many hours looking into where to find the foods I want in Chicago, what to eat generally, and pursuing countless other related questions, that perhaps my journal should be public. Maybe someone else will hear my struggles and give suggestions -- or perhaps someone will read this and find it helpful. After all, with few exceptions, we never precisely know where our food comes from, or what went into growing and raising it, how exactly it was killed, and so forth.

Those of us who pay attention to food the way I do know we try to shine as much light onto the subject as possible -- or at least our plates -- but it never seems enough. Add to that the problem of living in the real world: big cities, long hours, travel, budgetary constraints. We are doing our best but we are all eating in the dark. Come sit in the dark with me.