Starting over again

This has been a sad long gap in my blogging and I wouldn't be surprised if no one even comes to this site anymore as a full month has passed without me adding anything at all. I also began that month-long gap on a negative note, last discussing how I've fallen off the path I set out for myself (eating worse and worse, gaining more and more weight, feeling more and more fatigued). (And I'm aware that I started writing more about myself and less about food.) But though it may be trite, I am happy to say with a new year can come positive changes, and I'm focused on making some of those in my life.

When I left the rigid rules of my makeshift pesca-veganism (absent a few slips while traveling, I was fully vegan in diet but would eat any type of seafood), the slippery slope began and raw cheese turned into any non-processed cheese turned into any cheese I felt like eating. Eating a bit of grass fed or pastured meat once a week I bought at the farmers market from researched farmers and cooked myself turned into eating anything I deemed ethical as often as once a day turned into that plus me eating other meat when I was in the mood. Where I was slipping, was back towards the so called Standard American Diet. But I finally woke up and I'm actively seeking the middle yet again. Being vegan is not for me anymore. I want to consume some animal products because I believe I feel better when I eat that way and I no longer buy the logic of veganism. But there is no question that fruits, vegetables and grains should make up the fast majority of the human diet unless your geographic of personal health limitations dictate otherwise.

So I now start over again. Trying to limit the intake of animal products has the tough but welcomed result of literally forcing me to eat more fruits, vegetables and grains. There are ways to do this without eating anything fresh of course. I can eat my organic instant oatmeal for breakfast, a Chipotle veggie burrito for lunch, and an Amy's cheeseless pizza for dinner. But with just a bit more advance planning and effort I can incorporate more and more living foods. The easiest for me was always breakfast -- to start the day with anything but a piece of fruit is silly. Fruit is best eaten alone anyway. When I'm hungry I can down a grapefuit, orange and banana throughout the morning without the slightest sense of guilt.

Lunch and dinner are harder, but my goal, as I set out to get my diet right again, is to make just one of those meals vegetarian and not processed. I consider the Chipotle burrito processed (the flour tortilla, the canned beans, the guacomole that never turns brown). The Amy's pizza is certainly processed -- though you could easily find worse. But one would be fine -- each day. Today I'm being ambitiout (after all I just started) so I had a blood orange for breakfast, a salad I made myself for lunch and dinner will be self-made miso soup with mushrooms and asian stirfried spinach, kale and broccoli.

My energy levels are currently terrible, so that's high on my radar to watch. My weight is something I'll just be patient with for now and see what happens. I think I've already lost about two pounds but we'll see if that really amounts to weight loss.

Thank you to everyone who has read this and continues to pay attention to their diet. I am finally back to eating and thinking about food the way I want to be eating and thinking. I've got a lot of food-related movies I've been meaning to watch, piles of food related books I'd love to get into again, and lists of blogs that I've fallen behind on. My mild obessession with food through these avenues and this blog, if nothing else, helps remind me how important food is and how dangerous one's diet can be. And helps keep me focused on just how easy it can be to eat well (particularly at a time in my life when I have no financial constraints).

Real chocolate

I just finished my Gnosis Chocolate bar (pronounced "nosis") and thought I'd drop a little note about it here. Gnosis is a New York company started by the beautiful Vanessa Barg. All of their chocolates are handmade (meaning they use absolutely no machines whatsoever), raw, and vegan. Even those fancy chocolate bars you find at Whole Foods will often be filled with emulsifiers, have unnecessary dairy added, etc. None of that here. It's pretty well known now that chocolate is extremely good for you in moderation. The issue, though, is what's chocolate? A Hershey's bar is not, if you get my drift. Gnosis' products are. This is one of those things where we ate chocolate, industry and food companies took over and gave us a watered down, artificial version, and companies like Gnosis are giving us options to eat the real stuff. I highly recommend you seek it out, which is available at some Whole Foods, Hanna's Bretzel in Chicago, and on their website here.

To each her own

As much as I've begun to embrace the idea of eating grass-fed and pastured animals (and began doing so with shocking ease), what comforts me about this way of eating (and killing) doesn't comfort all. For one thing, I have vegetarian and vegan friends who simply cannot get comfortable with the concept of eating an animal. The very idea of flesh grosses them out so much that it's a non-starter. Most of the people I can think of do eat fish, so the line is drawn further out than a true vegetarian or vegan, but it is drawn. To this I can only say: to each her own. You have to do what works.

Goat Stew

After eating fully vegetarian meals since going to the farmers market (not all vegan as I enjoyed some of Saxon Homestead Creamery's amazing green fields cheese -- you can taste the grass!) I had to try some of the meat I bought from Mint Creek Farm.  I made some goat stew with Mint Creek's goat kabob meat.  This is a very cheap cut and reminded me that those who complain of grass fed meat's prohibitive cost should consider that those who can't afford a filet from a grass fed steer don't need to buy a filet from a corn fed steer -- they could buy the cheaper cuts which, prepared properly, are in my opinion sometimes better.  The meat was certainly "gamey" and I do believe I could taste the grass.  Michael Pollan meets a farmer who raises cattle, pigs and chickens in the Omnivore's Dilemma who calls himself a grass farmer.  Healthy grass is the key to it all.  Well Mint Creek seems to agree.  What's the first thing they discuss on their website?  Nothing short of the types of grasses on their fields that their sheep and goats are eating.  There's no discussion here of marbeling, tenderness, cheap prices, or other descriptions of the end product (the butchered meat in your fridge or freezer).  Instead Mint Creek discusses the individual types of grasses their animals eat, and mentions what this means: simply healthy animals.  From that the rest follows.

I have to say that my mood and energy levels have been up and I noticed it considerably throughout this holiday weekend.  While there may be other explanations, I am so far convinced that eating some meat is the right move.

I perhaps prematurely defrosted the lamb kidney so I'm going to have to find a good recipe for that and freeze the finished product.

Processed vegetarian/vegan food

I promised to write more about Veggie Bite today (the vegan "fast food" two store chain in Chicago). The reason I want to talk about Veggie Bite has less to do with the "restaurants" themselves and much more to do with what they represent -- and that is a belief by vegans and vegetarians that when they cut out flesh (or all animal products for vegans) they are eating healthier no matter what. I never bought into that mentality entirely, but I certainly found myself filling half my cart from the frozen section in Whole Foods. That meant I had fake chicken nuggets, vegan TV dinners, soy ice cream sandwiches, vegan meatballs, and who knows what else. I started to realize how absurd it was that I could believe I was eating healthy. Above all else, our bodies cannot handle processed foods. I am a firm believer that processed foods are the cause of so many healthy problems today. Maybe my foods lacked processed (a/k/a hydrogenated) oils, or some of the worst of processed corn byproducts (like high fructose corn syrup) but they still entailed an ingredient list that took up the entire side of the box and contained few items I recognized or could pronounce. This cannot possible be healthy. Indeed, research has shown that unfermented soy products are not only a poor source of nutrition as they are not very digestible, but they can wreak havoc in other ways -- even impeding the bodies ability to absorb protein. (Note that soymilk is one type of unfermented soy product).

This goes back to the basic and sensible thought that natural is better then processed, no matter how bad you think the natural is. The butter v. margarine issue provides perhaps the best example. Margarine is clearly worse for you overall. Making the same spread contain less fat is to ignore the terrible things that the processed ingredients in margarine will do to you over time. This is the same with vegetarian and vegan meals. Vegetarians often think that now their diet lacks unhealthy meat so they can eat as much cheese and milk as they want (which in their current form in America is usually a poor choice for a meal -- more to come on that another day). And together with vegans, we reach for fake chicken nuggets and the like. Besides the soy argument, believe it or not, the unhealthy thing about a chicken nugget is not just the part about the chicken.

I'll end by admitting that I know when vegans and vegetarians reach for these foods at times. This comes down to comfort and convenience. We remember eating them as kids, etc. and the only way we can eat a ruben again is to eat one made out of fake ingredients so it takes and feels like the real thing. We also can't always have a fridge full of fresh veggies and the time to wash and prepare them all so sometimes you need to pull something out of the freezer.

I think we just need to be aware of how unhealthy these foods can be, and that there are alternatives. Seitan (the wheat gluten byproduct) for instance, is much healthier than unfermented soy (so long as you don't have any gluten intollerance). And there are plenty of all veggie dishes that don't require fake meat. Wendy's serves chili -- why hasn't Veggie Bite thought to add a vegan chili that would be filled with vegetables, protein-packed beans and great flavor without any health issues? The reason seems to be that they blindly subscribe to the idea that as long as their food can be made without harming an animal (besides those who digest it) and without any ingredients of or from an animal, it can be deep fried in oil, made of unfermented soy, filled with processed ingredients, and still do a body good.

PS. I do not want to give the impression that unfermented soy should be avoided at all costs. As I understand it there are some benefits to soy regardless of fermentation -- the point is to be aware of what you are eating and to eat certain items (such as unfermented soy) in moderation. Some nuitritionists recommend no more then two servings of soy per day -- and we're talking 1/2 cup servings here (not a Texas lunch). So if you're worried that you're killing yourself with your daily Starbucks venti soy latte, my personal advice would be to take it down to a tall and avoid unfermented soy the rest of the day.

Stealth organic and vegan

I ate at a quick lunch spot in Chicago yesterday where I've been many times before called Hannah's Bretzel. Last time I went I forgot the actual cross-streets, looked it up online and saw from the website that it was 100% organic. I was pretty surprised considering I don't recall any signs pointing this out loud and clear like at Chicago's first all organic restaurant, Crust. I find this interesting and wonder if they don't think that people who care will know or figure it out, and people on the street are just looking for quick, tasty, "healthy" food -- which Hannah's clearly is. They actually have one sandwich, the Veggie Bomb, that's completely vegan (though it doesn't say so) and tastes amazing. The stealth nature of Hannah's organic status reminded me of a little juice shop that opened up near me in the Bucktown neighborhood of Chicago called Doc's. Doc's served a few kinds of soup and they were usually vegan, but they stopped pointing that out on their menue board because Mike, the owner, told me it scared people off. To a lot of people the idea of "vegan" is something strange -- something that requires seitan or boring tofu or weird healthy grains. Of course in truth tons of foods are vegan.

On the other side of the spectrum (I don't think Crust comes close to this side), you have Veggie Bites in Chicago. I'll write more about them soon as they represent a side of veganism that really defies logic and nuitrition.

Grass fed beef: Part II

My second experiment with grass fed beef occurred last night when I ate grass fed steaks with my parents. They live on the "northshore" of Chicago, which is sufficiently wealthy to have some specialty stores and grocery stores that care different products then many others in the Chicago area. I bought last night's meal at Sunset in Highland Park, where you can get a variety of different steaks, roasts, and ground meat. It is apparently not too difficult to find one brand of grass fed beef that has really done a great job infiltrating grocery stores and restaurants in the Chicago area. While I have yet to find it at any normal grocery store in Chicago, it is sold at Fox & Obel. The brand is owned by newsman Bill Curtis: Tallgrass. You can also read a NYT article on it here. My parents each had a strip steak and I had a boneless ribeye. Grass fed steaks cook a good 30% faster due to lower fat content. I was very worried I'd overcook them but overall they turned out well (the ribeye cooked a little slower as it had a little more fat). The meat had a bit of a gamey taste to it and I felt like I could taste the grass though my father disagreed. The steaks were not cheap (about $14 for a steak not much over half a pound) but no one at the table could eat more then half of theirs.

Tallgrass is available at a variety of nice to very nice restaurants in Chicago. Their website lists most of the restaurants that carry their product. Some grass fed beef is "finished" with corn (sometimes called "grain finished" or the like). This helps fatten up the cows before slaughter. It does, however, pose some of the very same problems with feeding cows corn their whole lives. Tallgrass, like many but not all grass fed brands, is 100% grass fed. Just something to keep an eye out for if you care.

How did I feel? Well I did have a lot of trouble falling asleep. I found this particularly ironic since raw foodists often say that when you eat your first big raw dinner you can't sleep because you have so much energy from all the nutrients. Well that never happened to me when I went raw but it did when I at a big steak. I take no pleasure in admitting this as someone who believes there are many benefits to raw and vegan diets (and few to carnivorious ones). Nonetheless the point of this blog is to be honest during this journey. Today I feel pretty good. Maybe a slight noticable increase in energy but honestly difficult to tell considering I didn't sleep well as I layed awake for hours.

The last thing I'll mention is how it felt eating it. Some vegetarians have commented to me that they couldn't get themselves to eat meat again because any "flesh" makes them nauseous. The burger was easy as it was hidden in bread and covered with condiments, lettuce, tomatoe and onions. I was worried about the steak. Frankly, it was easy. I didn't have any negative reaction and it brought back not so distant memories of what a good steak tasted like. So while everyone's different, I apparently can go back to meat pretty easily.

My experiment with grass fed beef

As I indicated in my first post, I have been a vegan of sorts for a few years. I say "of sorts" because I have been eating seafood at least a few times a month for nearly the past year. I have been constantly thinking about nutrition and food, researching on the internet and reading books on related subjects, and talking to like-minded people (like-minded not because they agree with me but because they too struggle to find foods that are healthy and that their bodies respond well to). A few things shifted recently that made me once again consider eating meat. Among those was a long-time friend and vegetarian who began eating meat and found that her energy levels were significantly increased (a problem I have been struggling with for some time), and another friend recently lent me The Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan, which eloquently discusses the virtues of grass fed animals and animal products (some refer to such products as grass fed beef and dairy, pastured chickens, etc.). I am a firm believer that you need to listen to your body and an equal believer that you must constantly try to improve -- the latter can only occur with change and surely requires some experimentation including trial and error. So I decided to expand my diet and incorporate some animal products on a limited basis. Thus began my experiment with grass fed beef.

This experiment began about 12 hours ago when I ate beef for the first time in years. I purchased about 1 lb of grass fed ground beef from a boutique shop in the Logan Square neighborhood of Chicago called Provenance. I'll write about the long and absurdly difficult process of finding grass fed beef in Chicago another time. The point of this post is to discuss how I feel. I felt fine eating the burger. I made sort of a half-portion burger and made sure to eat plenty of veggies with it. It tasted good and I never had any adverse reaction. Today I feel pretty great, I have to admit. I woke up this morning an hour early feeling like I must have overslept by hours as I was wide awake (something that NEVER happens). Turns out I woke up an hour early. I had tea this morning because it has become a bit of a ritual lately but I really didn't need it. I probably have more energy today (so far at least -- day's only half over) then I have in a long time. Do I feel completely and uterly rejuvinated? No, but I feel better then I have in a long time and I can't ignore that the meat is probably a huge part of it. So step one in my new experiment with animal products (albiet grass fed pastured animal products) is looking good.

Eating in the Dark

This is my first post. A quick attempt to explain where I am coming from and why I am writing here.

Food has always been something I think about carefully and choose diligently. This most likely started before I can remember when my mom never let me eat fast food as my friends all dug their teeth into happy meals and the like. More recently, I can recall a desire to avoid processed foods -- chemicals I didn't recognize, high fructose corn syrup (that always struck me as suspicious), and so forth. I began thinking about meat and animal products really seriously in my mid-20s and by my late 20s I decided to become fully vegan. I was a strict vegan for a while and even attempted to pursue raw foodism. But strict veganism was exacting a cost too great at the time -- among the problems were that no one wanted to eat out with me, I found myself massively struggling to eat a decently healthy meal while traveling, and I was starting to not enjoy food since great restaurants were surefire disappointments when all I ended up with was some boring bowl of steamed veggies and rice. I decided to incorporate fish when eating out. If there was a vegan option I usually took it but more often then not at fancier restaurants I found my fork digging into fish (hopefully wild, but I don't pretend it always was). Then talking to other vegans and vegetarians, and continuing to read up on the subject, I decided to do some further experimenting. My energy levels were low and everytime someone asked: "So do you feel amazing eating vegan?" I'd hesitate, wanting to say yes but only able to answer: "Not really." So I came to the conclusion that I might try eating some meat again. Not any meat and not like before. But once in a while, being extremely picky about how I do it, I'd try it out, listen to my body, and go from there.

This started last night -- my teeth chewed beef for the first time in years.

I thought that at the very least I should pay close attention to myself and take notes. More substantially, I should probably make the time to keep a journal of sorts. And then it dawned on me -- I have spent so many hours looking into where to find the foods I want in Chicago, what to eat generally, and pursuing countless other related questions, that perhaps my journal should be public. Maybe someone else will hear my struggles and give suggestions -- or perhaps someone will read this and find it helpful. After all, with few exceptions, we never precisely know where our food comes from, or what went into growing and raising it, how exactly it was killed, and so forth.

Those of us who pay attention to food the way I do know we try to shine as much light onto the subject as possible -- or at least our plates -- but it never seems enough. Add to that the problem of living in the real world: big cities, long hours, travel, budgetary constraints. We are doing our best but we are all eating in the dark. Come sit in the dark with me.